This was my first Narrative Project that I created for someone other than myself. I love the idea of creating an image with intentionality, selecting the frame and everything in it to tell a specific story.
The narrative of this project was one of loss and life. Alyssa was expecting another child after she miscarried. A rainbow baby. The colors of the flowers, the backdrop, and her dress were all carefully selected for the creation of these images.
Let’s start with the dress. Black. Not my first thought when I was in the headspace of rainbow colors and transformation. I was far down the road of the transformation of a butterfly in its chrysalis when the black dress was brought up as an option. I was hesitant. But in these images, the color black works for representing the loss of her previous pregnancy. And one of the meanings of the color black being “the mysteries of God”, I thought it very fitting. Let’s do it. The long, fun, and very impractical train on this dress was also very exciting.
The white tulle hanging behind her on the golden arch is our symbol for the chrysalis. I thought about hanging it from a branch, but the studio we ended up using didn’t allow hanging anything from the ceiling. I’m happy with how the golden arch helped frame her in some of the images, and the gold meaning glory helped to enrich the story.
On to the flowers. I took one night to go flower picking and found everything I needed at thrift stores and Facebook Marketplace. I was going for all the colors of the rainbow. Check.
The studio for this shoot was perfect. I was looking for an all white space so the set up would have a clean airy feel to it. The white drapes were a bonus and were actually a great addition to the story we were documenting.
So the narrative goes like this. When a butterfly enters into a chrysalis, it has to say goodbye to what was in order for the transformation to take place. Transformation happens, and then there is yet another crucial stage of moving forward and leaving the chrysalis behind.
For Alyssa, pregnancy was that chrysalis. It was the stage of transformation and transition. Pregnancy is physically and mentally taxing. Sometimes it requires letting go of what was and actively hoping for what could be. Not only is pregnancy like a transformative chrysalis season, but a woman’s body is so amazing in how it transforms and changes as it carries and hosts a new life.
As time would have it, while I was working through the editing process of these photos, my body was working through a miscarriage of my own. The timing felt ironic. The project felt cathartic. These images I was spending hours looking at felt like a celebration of the bravery and daring it takes to move towards life after death.
Reflecting on these photos, I couldn’t get away from the phrase “the bravery and hope required”. So much bravery and hope is required each and every day to dare to believe that all the effort, all the loss, all the heartache and grief can indeed all exist in the same space as hope, love, joy, and new life. And that it can all be worth it. And sometimes that requires trying again. More bravery and hope required.
Image: Alyssa dressed in black, mourning clothes, and at the same time surrounded by the colors of promise and life, as well as carrying a new life on the inside. Dynamic.
Life is not easy, but it is beautiful. And sometimes that beauty looks like wearing a black dress of mourning while smiling and hugging your baby bump. A brave, beautiful baby bump.
At the end of the shoot, we added the blue butterflies and blue butterfly-eyelashes to mark the stage of the new life that comes after leaving the chrysalis behind. Blue means healing and it also represented the little baby boy Alyssa was carrying. This pregnancy ended as you would hope it would. Baby boy was born healthy, big, and showered in love.